It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i believe in u and ur pee
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
