I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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