I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
