True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
