And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
