today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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