2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
