So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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