we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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