people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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