If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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