Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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