so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
