woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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