You just made me feel so damn special
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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