So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
