the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
