My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
