Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're my little dorito
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
