I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
