Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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