My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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