I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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