a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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