2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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