is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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