Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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