i just had sex bonerless
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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