so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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