I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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