The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.