I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.