Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?