I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
