Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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