i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just tell him i said nine months
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
