Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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