I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
