Who did Billy Mays play for?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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