Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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