Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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