I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
