i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
