Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize