First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
