shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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