I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
