babies were throwing up all over the place
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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