idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
