he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
