He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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