He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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