Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
