Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
