Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
