My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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