he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
