why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
