How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
