Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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