the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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