i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The best revenge is premature balding
this boner is exhausting
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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