I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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