I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
