So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
