I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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