Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
