Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize