you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize