I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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