did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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