I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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