his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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