i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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