if i died would you start the facebook group?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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