Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
